How remiss of me

It has been brought to my attention that I alluded to the possibility of relocating overseas next year and then never followed it up with details.

Well it wasn't really an accident. We still don't know anything definite which is why I haven't said any more (at least not on the internet). But it looks quite likely that Mav will take a job in the Middle East next year. This will pose a few dilemmas...

Firstly, I need to stay here and finish my Masters. So regardless of when he goes (possibly anywhere up to and including July??) we'll be on opposite sides of the world from each other for a wee while. I'm used to being a single parent but I kind of like that he comes home fairly regularly, so I'm not keen on this idea. I'm quite sure Miss Annabelle will not be thrilled either.

Secondly, even when I finish my Masters, I'm not sure if it will be recognised where we are going so I may have done all this work to not be able to practice. Hmmm.... that would be a bitch to say the least. I still have to find out more about that yet.

On the upside, it would be a great experience for a few years, there is a great ex-pat community so we'd have lots of friends, and coincidentally enough, even some of my Adelaide friends are thinking of going there. So I could just take the Adelaide crowd with me to Arab-land. :)

There is also good money to be made, of course. And there would be excellent schools for Annabelle.

There is restricted access to the internet and no Skype. And I don't want to give up my pots and plants and not be able to get a dog. (I'm back on the downsides now).

So if I spend too much time thinking about it, I'm like a pendulum going back and forth, back and forth deciding whether I'm excited or anxious. A bit of both. So rather than think too much about it, I'm focusing on finishing my course and having a very lovely holiday in Queensland in December. Will post details as they come to hand...

Hello, blog.

I've been rather neglectful of our relationship of late. I've thought about you, but given other matters higher priority. I feel badly about that.

The good news is that tomorrow is my final day of placement and for the most part, it has gone very, very well. I've learned some invaluable skills and I feel like I've really progressed a long way along my path to being a good therapist. Still a long, long way to go of course... but for now I'm happy with how far I've come.

So now I have one essay to write, and an ethics application to submit for my research project (so that I will be able to get cracking with my research in the new year) and that's it. My work is done for the year.

Except that the other wee jobby I have to get done is marking those FUCKING 2nd year assignments. argh! Whose stupid idea was it to take on tutoring this semester? The tutoring bit was ok. The money was so-so. The bloody marking though. Faaaaaaarrrrkkkk... it is never-ending!! At first it was taking me a minimum of 30 minutes to mark a paper, and then after marking a few, I was going back to re-check the marks I'd given. So really about 45 minutes per paper. Which might be ok except that there are 75 of the bastards to be marked!! I did some quick sums and realised that I DO NOT have a spare 40-50hrs up my sleeve.

So now I'm being ruthless and I've got them down to 15 minutes per paper. I figure no tutor or lecturer has ever been sufficiently concerned about the future of my academic career (or my feelings for that matter) to invest 30-45 minutes on any paper I've written. So 15 minutes it is.

When it's all done, I'll be back to share stories. For now, I'm going to bed to get some decent sleep because sleep is something that I've been sorely lacking.

Photo updates

I tend to post all my photos on Facebook and then couldn't be arsed putting them here (it's much slower here...) so I thought I'd post a few recent ones from ....first of all... our breakfast in McLaren Vale at the weekend.

I got a new printer

I know that doesn't sound very exciting but OH MY GOD, how much do I love my new printer?! I had a HP Multi-function thingo which I just realised is 5 years old. It cost me about $700 from memory. I know. No kidding. It had a fax machine that we don't use, a scanner that for some reason wouldn't work and it is noisy and slow when it prints. Being a uni student, I do A LOT of printing. But it cost me $700 so why would I replace it? And yes I know that they've come down in price but IT COST ME $700!!

Yesterday I was at officeworks and I saw a HP Multifunction PHOTO printer for $137. How bloody cheap is that? I've spent more than that in printer cartridges in the past six months!! I'm not even kidding. It's almost cheaper to buy a new printer than replace the cartridges?! (hmmm... maybe I really need a laser printer....)

ANYWAY, of course I bought it on the spot.



It doesn't have a fax which is fine. It does have slots where you can insert any kind of memory card or USB to print photos directly, a separate tray for photo paper, a preview screen where you can look at your photos and edit them before printing and it's so FAST and so QUIET. ooh ooh, and it prints onto CDs and DVDs. It's got a special tray that you whack them in and it prints labels directly on them.

It is now my second favourite thing after my new camera. No wait. My third favourite thing after my camera and my iMac.

But you've all got one of these special fancy things already haven't you? You're all going "DUH, Cass! Where have you been? OF COURSE we've got super-cheap, super-fast, super-fabulous photo printers". See, that's the beauty of it. The sheer excitement that comes with suddenly realising that something could be SO GOOD and never having heard of it before. I'm completely in love.

Annabelle's first sleepover

So you all know that Annabelle has a best friend called Ebony (Ebby or Bee to her friends). Ebby goes to a different daycare centre now but they see each other most weekends.



Ebby's mum, Carley, is great for organising social events so there are about four or five families that now regularly catch up for dinner, barbecues, the Fairies (reminds me I haven't posted Fairies photos!) and the girls love having things to look forward to on weekends. Even when there isn't a planned event, they usually are back and forth to each other's houses most weekends - often with three of them gathering at someone's house or the lot of them going from house to house while we parents take turns to do the child-minding or getting a break. It really has made all the difference for us to have a social network and to have the opportunity for a break occasionally.

SO... Ebby has been having sleep-overs for quite a while. Annabelle, on the other hand, has spent one night away from me in her whole life and that is when her dad took her to Victor Harbour one night over the Christmas holidays. We don't "do" sleep-overs. Annabelle wakes several times a night and I'm not at all comfortable with her waking up somewhere else and not knowing where I am. But she has been asking to sleep over at Ebby's house. We often go there for dinner and Ebby flakes it and Annabelle hangs out with us until we come home around 9pm. She ends up tired and grumpy the next day when she still wakes up at her normal 6am. So there was that.

I also started thinking that it would be nice for us to eventually be able to have a night out (like for our wedding anniversary) and to have her looked after by someone and not stress about it. We don't have grandparents or any relatives around so this has never been an option for us and I figure close friends are the next best thing. So I suggested to Carley that we *try* a sleep-over. Carley has been telling me for ages that Annabelle will be FINE and that she can sleep over any time. So she said "Sure, come for dinner Friday night and leave her here". Easy as that. EEEK!!

Annabelle was SO excited about sleeping at Ebby's house and told me that she is going to sleep at Ebby's house for "lots of days" and that she will come back and see me "another day". Good to know my place!

We had dinner and I put Annabelle to bed. Easy. Carley kept topping up my wine and since we weren't driving, I kept foolishly drinking it. What's with that? "Oh I don't have an excuse to not drink so I'll drink LOTS". I ended up feeling quite drunk and unwell. Bleuch. Maybe it was my nerves. Not to mention Carley is a terrible influence. ;)



We got home and I had the phone switched on and beside my bed. I must have told Carley 55 times before I left where Annabelle's clothes were, and what to do if she wakes up, and to call me if there's a problem, and that her swimming clothes were in a separate bag to the other clothes, and I just adjusted her blanket, and I put a pillow beside her in case she rolls off the mattress because she usually does, and she talks in her sleep so if she yells out, she might still be sleeping, and if she wakes up she won't go to you, you have to go to her and to CALL ME if there's a problem. Carley told me to shut up and get over it.

When I woke up the next morning - apart from having a hangover from hell - I couldn't help thinking how quiet and lonely the house was. Mel got up and started working on some stuff on his computer so it wasn't like we even got "quality" time together! Ok, it was nice to suffer in peace and lie in bed until 8am but I was annoyed with myself for drinking too much and not being able to enjoy our first morning EVER waking up on our own. First thing I did was text Carley to find out how it went. Annabelle slept through the night - called out once (in her sleep) at 5am but then woke up at the usual 6.15am. No tears. All good.

Eventually I got up and dragged myself to the gym and I picked Annabelle up at 11am. When I arrived they were playing in the park next door to Ebby's house. I gave her a big cuddle and asked if she missed me. She said very matter-of-factly, "No". Alrighty then.....

hmmmm... I'm glad it went well but I'm not sure I'll be making it a regular occurrence. It may be true that it's me who isn't ready and not her, but that's fine. I admit it. I'm not ready.

More dancing babies

They all love Beyonce! Check out this little rockstar.

My cards are amazing

We had friends over on the weekend and I did card readings.

Oh.

My.

God.

I even amazed myself!!! For one of my friends I mentioned a new business opportunity overseas, a legal conflict with a woman, an emotional issue causing her to have health problems. She said that I hadn't said one thing that didn't make sense to her.... and she had never told me any of it.

The next one wasn't so amazing but I mentioned her starting a new job (which I knew anyway) and there being one woman who she needs to watch out for and another who is a friend and ally. Also two men who she works with being helpful but there wasn't much more about them. Also possibly changes coming up with her husband's job (which I didn't know). She confirmed all of it.

What amazed me the most was that while I was reading cards and all this stuff was coming out, it turned out that two of my friends (as in, Annabelle's friends) might have the opportunity to relocate overseas next year. But get this. To the same place we are considering relocating to! :-0 We could end up on the other side of the world with all of our Adelaide friends. How weird is that?

Unsettled

There are Things Going On. Not bad things, just Things. Changes. I'm not allowed to talk about the Things quite yet because nothing is confirmed, but the changes will not be insignificant if they do happen. In fact, they will involve entire turning upside down of one's life and lifestyle.

I'm feeling rather unsettled and anxious about the whole thing even though nothing is definite yet.

More later. For now, I need to focus on what's in front of me, i.e., my stupid uni presentation and my stupid ethics proposal so that I can finish this stupid Master's degree.

What a day

I cried again today. This is the 2nd time I've cried at placement. What a sooky la-la.

The first time I had to actually cancel a client because I was a blubbering mess. We had done a morning meditation during which our supervisor, Matt, told us to "breathe in all our discomfort" (instead of the usual pushing it away that most people do, y'know?) And to breathe out compassion and kindness to all the people in the world experiencing discomfort. Breathe in the discomfort. All the painful feelings you don't want to experience. Breathe them all in. So like a good little student, I did. And then after it was over, I bawled my eyes out. I actually had to work hard not to blubber *during* the meditation. Waaaaayyyyyyy too much discomfort for my liking that day.

So immediately after meditation finished I had to ask Matt for advice about a client. There I was asking about a client while having a total emotional breakdown. When he gave me a slightly quizzical look regarding the possible reason for the emotional breakdown, the only explanation I could come up with was "Well, you would go and make me breathe in my discomfort!" I tell you what though, if you're ever going to have a personal crisis, a psych clinic is a good place to have one. He very gently asked me if perhaps I might prefer to cancel the client. Lucky one of us was in control of their faculties because I SO could not have seen a client but I was all OF COURSE I'M NOT CANCELLING THE CLIENT! ARE YOU MENTAL?!!!?

Needless to say, I cancelled the client. .

So that was several weeks ago.

Today, we had our usual weekly supervision and it felt like I got hammered. I didn't actually get hammered but that is how it felt. Probably I'm just feeling fragile and overwhelmed and stressed again. I was kind of ok with it, but he (poor, frazzled, sleep-deprived Matt dealing with neurotic students day in and day out) came to see me later to ask if I was ok after my hammering and to tell me it's no reflection on my performance, and that I'm doing really well. And the floodgates opened again. I'm a basketcase, there's no doubt about it.

Let's see if I can get through to the end of placement without getting myself committed.

Long time, no blogging

I'm so bloody busy I can't even think straight. No kidding, it's like information comes into my head and falls out my ears. I can't retain anything. We seem to have a calender full of dates - for both business and pleasure - that keeps growing longer and so every time someone says "How about doing such-and-such on this date?", instead of me being able to do my usual "Oh it's a Sunday. Yes, Sundays I'm free" or "Yep, Fridays I'm home with Annabelle", I'm having to go "Hang on.. which date is that? A Saturday in September? ummm let me see".. and run through the filofax in my brain to work out what's going on before replying "No I'm sorry, Saturdays in September and October are all booked but I do have a Saturday in November still available. Hurry though! It won't last!" argh!

It doesn't help that I have chosen to keep Annabelle home on Thursdays and Fridays. Lovely for girl-time, but not lovely for keeping up with all the extra bits and pieces that need doing but simply do not get done with a 3yo underfoot.

Anyway, enough whinging. I have an ethics application to write.